Damp and Dark Varanasi
•Posted on March 30 2022
This place is a magical, dirty labyrinth, not pretty, but it's Holy!!!!
My heart is alive and I need to share.
Mortality accentuated.
Just woke to a Dark Nirvana, wrapped in many blankets. Slept still, which felt like a dead man's pose, Savasana.
No dreaming,
Just being.
Aware.....Fully.
Sweet children's chanting mantra stirred my first move.
It's 4am.
I am being strongly reminded why I'm here, to see into my own depths & darknesses.
The last 24 hours has been ripping at me, with intensity.
It is a volcanic experience doing it on your own here.
Feelings beyond description.
The moment when everything in your 🖤 comes tumbling down, is also the moment it becomes whole.
This is the feels of Varanasi.
Easy to get lost in, and to loose yourself to something else.
Here you want to hold your own Light, because it's damp and dark.
It really is Winter in all aspects and I am feeling it big!!
I went to my 1st burning last night.
You only need one, believe me.
Above the burning is a temple, within the temple there's a fire which had been burning for 3000 years and they have kept it going all these centuries.
This is the same fire they use to do the burnings with, to light the bodies.
On my walk there last night I was lucky enough to have my sons on FaceTime with me.
Fuck, how I needed that!
To have them connected to me when I saw those 1st fires around the corner.
It's in your face, literally.
Strangely, it actually warmed my bones.
It is indescribable seeing bodies being burnt.
Skin, to flesh to bone!
It felt like a scene out of Vikings or Lord of The Rings,
and me, a character on the sidelines.
Animals don't get burnt, neither do pregnant women, children under 12, or true Sadhus, they are already considered pure.
It really only hit me now as I sit here overlooking the white grey ashes, the flowers, sandalwood hanging stale & thick in the air.
Soulful experience.
You can feel them reach Nirvana.
I was there for hours. Feeling.
I didn't take photos.
It didn't feel right.
A forever snap in my mind, my heart.
This precious diamond of a life!
